The Ship of Dreams
by Kira Loves
Summary: "It was the ship of dreams," well, it's the ship of Shawn's dreams. Shawn gets to take part in a re-enactment of the Titanic times but so does Lassiter.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: "It was the ship of dreams," well, it's the ship of Shawn's dreams. Shawn gets to take part in a re-enactment of the Titanic times but so does Lassiter. What will happen though when the owner of the replica ship reminds Shawn of a past love and only Lassiter is there to comfort him?**

**WARNING:**

**Homosexuality**

**Language**

**A/N: Well, it had to happen at some point in time. : )**

Shawn stood there at the bow of the ship. He was dressed in old style clothing. He'd slicked his hair back but only slightly. A few stray strands still escaped from underneath his newsboy cap. They played about on his forehead as the ocean breeze caressed his face.

Shawn felt comfortable in poor man's clothing. The shirt sleeves were loose around his forearms and he had his thumbs pulling and resting on his suspenders as he breathed in the sea. Yes, poor man's clothing suited him well. Not that Shawn couldn't absolutely rock a tux but when it came down to it Shawn chose comfort over style. He felt just like Jack from the Titanic as he looked down at the breaking blue waters.

Yes, that's right. Shawn knew who Jack was. He knew what _Titanic_ was. Now, it wasn't like he had an absolute knowledge and it wasn't as if he had a thing for Kate Winslet, or Decaprio for that matter. Shawn just liked the effects and some of the musical score and bits of dialogue and certain scenes and-

Okay, so Shawn Spencer owned a copy of _Titanic_ and watched it monthly in the dark of his room with a warm blanket and boxes upon boxes of tissues at the read. So the tissues were for crying periodically during the movie, so he knew all the lines to that accursed three hour love story. It didn't make him any less manly.

Shawn looked to his left and then to his right. He stepped up onto the gate and leaned into the breeze as he shot his fist into the air and screamed;

"I'm the king of the world!"

Thank God Shawn couldn't care less about machismo and allowed himself a moment. However, the moment was tragically and abruptly ended as a strong hand came out and seized Shawn by the collar. Shawn landed on his ass as Lassiter stood over him with an annoyed look.

"This is the third time I've caught you doing that," Lassiter pointed out, "You do it again and I'm going to push you instead, do you understand me?"

Shawn sighed as he got up.

"Lassie, can you blame me? Look where we are!"

Shawn and Lassiter were on the closest replica of the Titanic ship that existed to date. It had been a work of madness that had continued down a line of billionaires for generations. The project was actually started by a man who'd survived the disaster. Despite the trauma of it, he'd been determined to bring the ship back to life and generations later, his dream came to full realization. Of course, by then his great granddaughter had gotten a hold of his master plan and distorted it to suit _her_ obsession with _Titanic_, the movie. Shawn knew that people had hated her for it but he wasn't one of those people which explained why he took her case to help find out who was sabotaging the ship's debut.

So now Shawn was here, dressed in era appropriate fashion, relishing the fact that he was living out his dream as being a part of the romanticism that was the _Titanic_.

"Look, Spencer, I get that you're into this girly movie but if you go overboard, I'm not saving you."

Of course, the whole romanticism was kind of played down when you had steely eyed Lassie nipping at your heels every five minutes.

"But Lassie, if I jump we both jump!" Shawn quoted to the oblivious Lassiter.

Lassiter grunted a laugh. He looked so sharp in his tuxedo. It almost looked made for him, no sculpted to him. It hit in all the right places. It didn't even look like a rental. Shawn was tempted to ask where this strange work of art had emerged from and how Lassie managed to get a hold of it but Lassiter interrupted his train of thought.

"Hardly, if you jump, I'll be singing all the way back to the coast," Lassiter said with a mean smile before whistling "America the Beautiful" and walking away.

Shawn sighed. Of all the people in the world to be stuck on a Titanic replica with, it had to be Lassiter. If only Gus hadn't caught the flu. Then Gus would have accompanied him on the case, helped him solve it and the two of them would be given the chance to role-play on a new Titanic with a bunch of millionaires and influentials.

_Stupid Gus and his illnesses. He shouldn't be allowed to get sick. I'm making that a rule now._

Shawn got back upon his feet. He smiled as he once again stepped up onto the railing. He breathed the ocean air in deeply. Everything looked just like the movie. Everyone played their parts too. The rich acted like the rich and poor acted like the poor. Sure, they were forbidden to speak to one another but both groups were having fun in their own way. The big wigs got to act snobby and dress up and everyone else got to run around a huge ass ship doing things like screaming "I'm the king of the world!" So in the end, segregation be damned, everyone was enjoying themselves.

"Officer Lassiter," a nasally, female, British voice rang out, "I see you're talking to _him _again. Whatever for this time?"

Shawn hopped off the railing and looked up at the ship level above him. Lassiter stood there. He too had been staring out at the ocean, Shawn presumed, when this odd and loud woman had approached him.

She was pretty enough but a little too young for Lassiter. Shawn was sure that she was one of the owner's cousins or something. She was wearing this long blue gown but it showed a bit too much cleavage for the time period. Her accent was off too. It sounded too cockney.

"I was just making sure he doesn't do something stupid. I can't have people falling off the ship. Not on my watch."

Shawn couldn't hear him from where he was but he could see Lassiter getting into all this. Maybe it was just all his years of Civil War re-enactments but Lassiter was kind of good at role-playing. Lassiter had been made a retired, Irish constable. Or course, the Irish weren't looked on too well by the British (they'd always had some fight or another amongst themselves) but the constable had been hired by a wealthy family to keep an eye out for them on the trip. Lassiter really was on the ship merely to keep an eye on things but he did take his part seriously. Shawn knew Lassiter would never speak to him this way but he'd overheard Lassie's Irish accent quite a few times at this point. It was strange, he expected Lassiter to pitch his voice up a bit with the accent but it stayed at the same tone it always had. It didn't sound Scottish either. Perfect Irish.

Shawn continued to stare at Lassiter. He really did look good in his tuxedo. Lassiter looked like a watchful hawk up there. He was so serious. Shawn wasn't surprised that the owner's cousin had taken a fancy to him. Well, he was surprised that someone so _young_ had taken a fancy to him but that was the extent.

Suddenly, the woman gave Shawn a dirty look. Shawn recoiled.

"Oye! Boy!" she shouted, "Stop staring at Constable Lassiter!"

Shawn pouted at the woman. He then proceeded to walk closer to them. Shawn continued to stare at Lassiter who was now aware of it. Lassiter looked at Shawn with a slight disgust, a look that said, 'what are you doing?'

"My apologies miss!" Shawn shouted back in his normal voice (he'd chosen to stay American, it was easier that way), "But I have never seen a man with such dignity before. I have to say, it makes me wonder why he keeps company with a woman who shouts across a ship!"

The woman's face grew red. She narrowed her eyebrows. Lassiter gave her a slight nod to excuse himself before disappearing behind the balcony. Shawn didn't care where he was going. It was officially on with this woman.

"Do you have any idea who I am!" she shouted back.

Shawn shrugged, "I'm assuming you're someone who thinks she's above acting like a lady. I have to be honest though, miss, I think you're mistaken in that."

The woman's face turned even redder. The red reached down from her face, past collar bone and straight into her cleavage.

"How dare you!" she shouted.

"_How_ dare I?" Shawn asked back, "Well quite blatantly and unapologetically I suppose."

"I will have you thrown off this ship!" she shouted.

"I think not, miss. I carry a favor with someone here and I'm afraid she's at a higher station than you."

It was true. Shawn was invited by the owner herself. It was part in reward and part as an extra measure. The poor woman thought her ship might still be under attack. Shawn thought at first that she might be sweet on him but that proved to be false when she made him an undercover **third** class passenger (not that Shawn minded). It was shame. She was a rather good looking thirty-year-old woman by the name of Stephanie, a blonde with a decent figure, a lot of money and a _Titanic_ obsession. Shawn could have fallen in love. That was of course if Shawn hadn't sworn of off women for the rest of his life.

Suddenly Shawn was seized yet again by that strong hand. Lassiter held Shawn hostage by the back of his shirt collar, the way someone would pick up a cat.

"Why is it that you try to ruin everything for me, Spencer?" Lassiter growled into the other man's ear.

He'd broken character again. Shawn didn't like that. When Lassie broke character, Shawn broke character and then the whole situation was a little less fun. Shawn smirked.

"Constable Lassiter!" he said in a friendly tone, "We've really got to stop meeting this way."

"Spencer, I am not playing this game with you. I'll play nice for everyone else but not for you."

"I'm sorry, Constable, I can't quite hear you," Shawn replied, "You'll have to speak up. I can't seem to catch that charming Irish trill of yours!"

Lassiter's glare intensified and he tightened his grip.

"That's enough, Spencer!" he whispered harshly.

"What is going on here?" Stephanie said as she entered, her cousin trailing behind her.

"This nobody was harassing your cousin, Mary" Lassiter answered, his Irish not missing a beat.

"Was he?" Stephanie asked, "And what exactly did you say to Mary?"

Stephanie's British accent was perfect. Of course, she had been practicing for years. She'd gotten a speaking coach and everything. She was very dedicated to the whole charade.

"Mary is it? Well she didn't like me looking at the Constable here and felt it necessary to reprimand me so I felt it necessary to tell her that she was loud and classless."

Stephanie smiled. It was wry smile that she tried to hide from Mary and Shawn felt himself smiling back. Lassiter looked at the two of them with a stern gaze. Whatever was about to happen wasn't going to be good.

"Well, it's most definitely not your place to say such things-"

Mary grinned with satisfaction. She tucked a stray lock of her brown hair behind here ear as she waited for the verdict.

"-but I see no reason to demand that you be thrown off this ship. Constable, I demand that you keep watch over this man for the duration of the trip."

"What!" Mary yelled.

"Madam," Lassiter quickly tried to reason with her, "I'm sure that this man won't create any more problems for anyone, right?" Lassiter gave a slight tug on Shawn's collar.

"Well, in all honesty, I'm very likely to try," Shawn said as a matter of fact.

Mary was turning red again but this time it was out of half frustration and half panic.

"B-but Stephanie, there's no reason to make the Constable suffer! Especially when he could enjoy the company of others," Mary said, trying to hint to her own intentions.

"Either you must be very insecure or I must be very handsome if you're that threatened by me and the Constable sharing company." Shawn noted.

Mary glared at Shawn. Stephanie once again was trying her hardest not to laugh. Her abs contracted just the slightest bit as she stifled a giggle, the silky green fabric of her dress catching in the light and letting off a subtle sheen. She really was a beautiful woman. The blonde was natural. She had big green eyes. They were all round, still childlike in a way and so very friendly. They reminded Shawn of Juliet. Stephanie reminded Shawn a lot of Juliet now that he'd come to realize it.

Shawn had to look away from her.

"I still stand on my statement. Constable, please be as so kind as to take care of this man. He seems to me to be a danger to others and himself. I saw him on the ships railing a few times today. It'd be a shame if he were jump now wouldn't it, Constable?" Stephanie argued although she was fully aware that Shawn was just goofing off.

Lassiter bit the inside of his lip as he stared at Shawn.

"Yes, quite a shame," he said begrudgingly.

Mary stamped her foot in anger and took off in a huff. She must have been twenty-three or so? Maybe twenty-five? She was too young for Lassiter anyway.

Lassiter released Shawn harshly. Shawn dusted himself off dramatically.

"Oh and Constable?" Stephanie said, "I'd stay away Mary if I were you."

"Why?"

Stephanie very discreetly pressed a hand against her crotch.

"She's a bit- ill, if you understand what I'm saying."

Lassiter looked immediately repulsed and Shawn snorted. Stephanie smiled fully in the absence of her cousin. She gave Shawn a wink that made Shawn freeze up to the core.

"And in case you haven't noticed, I don't like her either," she said quietly before turning around and leaving the deck.

Shawn watched Stephanie leave with a sense of heart broken wonder. She really did resemble Juliet. It wasn't just in the color of her hair but in the way she acted. She was so similar to her.

"Thanks a lot, Spencer," Lassiter said, his voice returning to the norm, "now I'm stuck with you for the next three days!"

"Uh-huh," Shawn said, "Forgive me, Constable Lassiter, but I think I need some air."

Shawn walked away from Lassiter. Lassiter went to go after him but some big wig had come to introduce himself. Lassiter watched as Shawn stumbled down to the lowest deck, agonizing over how irritating it would be to go after him.

Shawn had managed to get to the very front of the ship. He looked over the edge of it for what seemed like hours. He didn't feel like celebrating anymore. He didn't want to step up on the railing and shout. If anything, he felt like jumping. He didn't care that it seemed cliché of him either. He wanted to jump and that was that. It had nothing to do with his favorite movie anymore.

Lassiter watched from above as multiple people barraged him in order to play around and get to know him. What was it with these people and schmoozing? Lassiter hated schmoozing. He didn't like these people and he didn't want to know them either. He wasn't even getting to know _them_ he was getting to know whatever part they were playing in this twisted fantasy. Honestly? Who recreates the ship of a devastating and terrible shipwreck? They did realize that people died, didn't they? It wasn't a game to those people and yet this recreation was all about fun. What was wrong with them?

Lassiter was slowly making his way towards Shawn. He had to get him away from the ship's edge. It was dangerous to hang out there. One slip and Shawn would fall so many feet to his death. If the fall didn't kill him, then the boat would crush him to death since he was directly in its path. Yet Shawn just stood there, still as stone and staring. Nonetheless, Lassiter felt obligated to fetch him.

Lassiter was just about to make it to the steps when a gloved hand tapped his shoulder.

"Constable Lassiter," Mary said with a smile, "I insist that you join my friends and me to dine."

It was already getting late outside. The sun was beginning to set and Lassiter felt his stomach grumble at the thought and anticipation of food.

"I'm sorry Miss Mary but I have other duties to-"

"I insist," she said harshly, raising an eyebrow.

Lassiter took one last glance at Shawn. Shawn hadn't budged in over hour now. He had stayed still for the entire time.

"He'll be fine, Constable," Mary added with an annoyed sighed, "And really, do you want to spend your night babysitting?"

Lassiter shook his head. No, he really didn't want to spend the night attached to Spencer's hip. Then again, being with diseased Mary didn't sound much better. Well, at the very least she was pretty to look at. Spencer would be fine. He wasn't goofing off so he didn't have a chance of falling.

Lassiter followed Mary inside as Shawn continued to stare out into the sea.

The ballroom was as grand and beautiful as everyone had said it would be. Lassiter, who didn't usually find beauty in such things, was taken aback by how elaborate the room was. It was truly a wonder. Walking down the grand staircase made you feel like the most important person in the world, as if everyone was looking at you and for a moment they were.

Mary was proud as she walked arm in arm with Lassiter. She was with a handsome, older man. Surely everyone would take her seriously now and her friends were sure to be jealous. Lassiter knew nothing of her intentions nor did he care to know. The point was that he wasn't out on the deck freezing his ass off in the cold night air trying to force Shawn to go inside.

Shawn meanwhile looked at the waters. They'd turned dark now. No, they'd turned black. It was just endless ripples of black. It was like staring out into the sky. The stars reflected in the waters and Shawn felt like the whole galaxy was just a jump away. Mesmerized, he climbed over the railing. He held onto it with the back of his arms. He held tight despite how much the cold made him shiver. He would keep holding too until he couldn't hold anymore. That's what he decided.

"Constable Lassiter," Stephanie said with a slightly annoyed smile, "Whatever are you doing here?"

Lassiter blinked back for a moment, not quite sure what to say.

"He came at my insistence," Mary replied.

Mary and her friends were nothing but a gaggle of girls. Lassiter had long tuned them out and taken to his drink. He wasn't sure what he was doing anymore. He knew he was supposed to be keeping an eye out for trouble as he played this stupid game but somehow he became lost in his own accent. Suddenly, he was too drunk to remember, or perhaps to want to be, a modern detective. He really was an ex Irish constable, damn it. His whiskey told him so.

"Mary, I'll ask you kindly to leave the Constable alone. If I have to ask you again, I'll not be so kind. Constable, I won't force you to keep watch over that man but all things considered, I think you should."

Lassiter didn't understand why he should do anything concerning Shawn Spencer. Somewhere deep in his mind, Lassiter knew that Stephanie was trying to remind him that they were working together but that notion stayed back there. Lassiter stared at Stephanie.

"Have we met before?" Lassiter asked, his drunkenness slipping out with his words.

The girls at the table bursted into a fit of giggles. They thought the older, drunken cop was a laugh and a half and Mary was getting an ego boost from him being so well received. Stephanie frowned.

"Constable, may I speak to you privately?" she asked, irritated.

"Excuse me, ladies," Lassiter said as he managed to stand up from the table.

Stephanie pulled Lassiter off to the side. Her whole face seemed to change as she dropped character.

"Detective Lassiter," Stephanie said, "I understand that my cousin is pretty and I see that you like a good drink. I'm fine with that but you and Shawn need to communicate in order for this to work."

"You're not talking like you were before, you're talking different," Lassiter said, confused under his intense buzz.

Stephanie hailed a waiter and picked up a glass of water. She handed it to Lassiter.

"Sober up, detective!" she whispered harshly, "I will not let anyone on this ship get hurt and I expect you to have the same level of commitment."

She seemed so nice and friendly but when it came down to it, Stephanie was ready to get to business. She cared about all these people, these some odd hundreds of people. Even the strangers that she didn't know, people who had won contests and raffles to play the part of the poor. She wanted them to be protected as well.

"You…you make me remember someone," Lassiter said.

"I do?" Stephanie asked before brushing it off, "Never mind that, go find your partner."

The blonde hair, the pretty face, the friendliness and sense of duty, they were all coming together.

"…O'Hara?" Lassiter said quietly.

Stephanie looked back at Lassiter, confused. Who was O'Hara?

Lassiter felt his entire body freeze up. Stephanie looked so much like Juliet and he hadn't noticed it until now. If Juliet had a sister, she would look like Stephanie. It was surreal. God, how had he not seen this? And if it took him this long to notice then…

"Spencer!" Lassiter realized before taking off and running up the grand stair case.

Shawn's arms were getting tired. He couldn't hold himself up forever. Eventually, his arms would get so tired and so sore that they'd let go but Shawn made no move to climb back over the railing. He just continued to stare out into the ripples of the galaxy.

Lassiter was running as fast and as hard as he could. It would take forever to reach the front of the ship. He started climbing down deck by deck. He was too old to be moving like that but that didn't seem to stop him. Chalk it up to the sense of urgency of the power of alcohol but Lassiter moved and ran, climbed and jumped like he never had before. He had to get to Shawn.

Shawn's grip was beginning to slip. His arms were sliding. He gave it his best to hold on. He'd use every last bit of strength he had. He'd fight for a few more minutes or seconds, whatever time he had left.

Lassiter saw him. He'd finally made it to the front end of the ship and there Shawn was, hanging on the outside of the railing.

"Spencer!" Lassiter yelled, despite how out of breath he was.

Shawn looked back fleetingly. He'd already made his decision but he didn't expect anyone to be out here. He just wanted this to happen with only himself to witness. Shawn felt his arms making the final slip. He'd given his all and the time had come. It was time to fall.

There was a brief moment of free falling. It was so slight that it happened in the blink of an eye. Shawn was awaiting the cold embrace of the water but instead he was grabbed at the arms. Two strong, warm hands held him in death grip. Shawn could feel the force trembling in Lassiter's fingers as he pulled him back up over the railing.

Lassiter collapsed as he managed to bring Shawn to safety. The two men were tangled in each other. Lassiter's arms were under Shawn's. Shawn's cold back was pressed against Lassiter's hot chest.

"What were you thinking!" Lassiter shouted.

"I was thinking…it wouldn't be suicide if I stayed there until my arms couldn't hold. Technically I wouldn't have jumped that way."

"Spencer, just because you meet a girl and realize that she looks like-"

"How did you know?" Shawn interrupted him.

Shawn was shivering. He'd been out there for hours just waiting for his arms to give in. He'd been alone all this time, probably haunted by his memories of her.

"How did you know I was doing something stupid?" Shawn asked.

Lassiter sighed.

"You're always doing something stupid. Besides, you said you needed to get air. We were already outside, Spencer. I was trying to get to you ever since."

Shawn curled up into a ball. He pressed himself against Lassiter's chest as he began to cry.

"She looks so much like her. I didn't even notice- didn't notice until now. She's my Jules, Lassie. She's Jules."

Lassiter felt uncomfortable as Shawn sobbed into his chest. He very meekly and carefully put his arms around the other man. This is what people did in times of distress, right? They hugged or held or whatever it was that Lassiter found himself doing.

Juliet had died in the field roughly two years ago. Shawn seemed okay these days but something had died in him with her. Something had died in everyone when she passed, even in Lassiter.

"C'mon," Lassiter said, as he helped Shawn to his feet, cradling him in his arms all the while, "We should get inside."

**A/N: And thus is the first chapter in this mini story finished. I hope to get the next one up soon. Leave me love and reviews. : )**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So, I know Juliet being dead was a bit of a bomb but let me explain myself. I try my absolute BEST in every Shassie story of mine to not make Juliet into some heinous OOC bitch just for the sake of Shassie. This is the first time I've had her killed off. XD Ladies and gentlemen, a moment of silence for Juliet O'Hara.**

…

**GOOD ENOUGH! :D**

Eventually Shawn had stopped crying. Now he was just silent. Lassiter thought that a quiet Shawn might be something worth seeing but not like this. Shawn's eerie silence left Lassiter feeling that emptiness in the other man and strangely enough, it made Lassiter feel his own emptiness too.

Losing people was a normal aspect of life. Death was a normal aspect of life but it was expected at the end of a long journey. Dying was what elderly people after they'd lived for so long that the only adventure life had left for them was the end. Juliet was nowhere near her time. She'd been in prime, more alive and accomplished than she'd ever been and in one shot, a desperate man took all that away.

Lassiter and Shawn both agreed that his life sentence would never be enough and it didn't matter that he was trying to protect his daughter. His daughter wasn't in danger of dying. She was in danger of being removed and put back into the proper custody of her mother but death was never an option. A tender cause didn't justify a death, any kind, especially Juliet's. He hadn't meant to but he hit her straight in the head. She was gone the moment the bullet passed through her.

The emptiness that ensued at the funeral, the public mourning of an officer, was felt by everyone. In a way, Lassiter half expected Shawn to take on the attitude he'd had when Despereaux had passed, like he didn't believe it but Shawn stood there as quiet as he'd ever been. He didn't even cry, not until he reached the sanctity of the backseat of the Blueberry. Gus had seen him go there and let him be but Lassiter had noticed as well and he stood there for a few moments watching a broken Shawn beat the seats and bury his face. It was like watching Shawn all alone, at the end of the day when all that energy had run out and all that was left was loneliness. To this day Lassiter could never admit he'd seen him like that.

Lassiter finally got up from his spot on his bed. The two men had retired to Lassiter's room. It wasn't the most elaborate of quarters but it wasn't as small as the third class rooms. It was a comfortable and modest size, enough space for a bed and dresser and plenty of standing room.

Lassiter pulled the thick blanket off of his bed. Shawn had been standing in the corner for a few minutes now. He hadn't moved or said a word. Lassiter wrapped the blanket around Shawn's shoulder and guided him to the bed. He sat him down and then sat himself down. He awkwardly rubbed his hands together. Okay, so he managed to fill twenty seconds or so of nothingness with some movement but now what?

"Constable?" Shawn said quietly.

Lassiter looked at him oddly. Why was Shawn calling him Constable? That was a bit odd wasn't it? It was just the two of them and it wasn't as if Shawn was in a state for games.

"Why did you save me?" Shawn asked.

Lassiter didn't really have to think about it. Almost instantaneously he replied;

"Because it was the right thing to do."

Lassiter found himself answering in his accent. He wasn't sure why. It just happened. He was still a little buzzed. The adrenaline rush hadn't quite counteracted the alcohol. He was drunk enough to play along but sober enough to realize it.

"Tell me, boy, what possessed you to pull a stunt like that?" Lassiter asked.

God, it was so much easier to ask that question as a Constable. If Lassiter was being himself, they might sit the whole night in silence. Detective Lassiter wasn't good with emotional break downs (or emotions for that matter) but who was to say that Constable Lassiter couldn't try?

"A few years ago, I was with a woman," Shawn said, pulling the blanket around him tighter.

"Aye?" Lassiter asked.

"I loved her. I loved more than anything. She was so happy and kind. She always had her heart in the right place even when I didn't. She shone so bright. She was like…like my north star. I guess that's why I wanted to fall. The sea looks so much like the sky at night, doesn't it? I thought…maybe if I fell into the sky I'd find her again, my north star."

Lassiter had never heard Shawn speak that way. It was almost too poetic for Shawn Spencer then again, if Shawn had really taken hold of this role-play, then he wasn't the phony psychic detective Shawn, he was the poor, travelling writer Shawn. It made sense for Shawn to speak of Juliet this way but at the same time, Lassiter felt like he was hearing things that were (to the real Shawn and in the real world) forbidden for him to know.

"She died young, my Juliet. I never even got my chance to ask her to marry me."

Lassiter's jaw dropped a little. He didn't know Shawn had wanted to marry O'Hara.

_Dear God, he really loved her._

"I miss her and seeing Lady Stephanie was…too much." Shawn admitted.

"That's a shame…Spencer, right?" Lassiter asked for clarification on his name. As long as they played the game, there was a certain fantasy to all this. They weren't _really_ talking about it. Not when it came to the technical aspects anyway.

"Spencer?" Shawn laughed lightly, "Call me Shawn, Constable."

Lassiter had no intention of dignifying Shawn with his first name even in such a situation. Role-play aside, Shawn Spencer was still Shawn Spencer.

"Oh, I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with-"

"Just, call me Shawn." Shawn repeated.

Shawn looked at Lassiter with a sense of urgency. Calling him Spencer _would_ shatter the façade. It was too close to their norm. Lassiter sighed.

"All right, Shawn then."

Shawn smiled slightly before going straight faced.

"And for the record, Constable, I wasn't jumping. I was holding on until I couldn't anymore and would then proceed to fall."

"Sounds a bit like your lingering love for her."

Shawn looked at Lassiter confused. Lassiter put an arm around Shawn's shoulders. Lassiter had such strong hands. They felt so capable and so secure. Even through the blanket, Shawn could feel warmth from Lassiter's palm resting on his other shoulder.

"You can't hold to a love that isn't there, Shawn. If you keep holding and holding then one day you'll break and then you'll fall apart. There are plenty of other types of love out in the world, you know? Plenty of love to be had that doesn't hurt."

Lassiter felt accomplished with himself. He had said something really deep and relevant. Sure, he wasn't so sure that he actually believed it and part of him thought that he might be quoting something he'd seen or heard in passing but he felt accomplished in the end. Maybe this emotional stuff wasn't so hard after all.

Shawn very slowly rested his head against Lassiter taking the gesture from manly comfort to something slightly awkward.

It was kind of funny that Lassiter had mentioned 'plenty of other types of love'. Shawn smiled as he took in Lassiter's scent. It was the normal smell of him accompanied by some sort of cologne. It was very light almost like a perk to the sense rather than a full aroma itself.

Lassiter felt the urge to move but he forced himself to stay. Constable Lassiter was a man capable of comforting damn it…because if he wasn't then that meant returning to the silence and that made Lassiter even more uncomfortable.

Shawn was face to face now with the tuxedo he'd so admired since the day's start. It really was a handsome suit. He'd thought so since the minute he'd bordered and saw Lassiter giving a reserved wave to the crowd sending off the ship. It just made him look like such a gentleman. He was a handsome man, really he was.

"Tell me, Constable, where did you get such a suit?" Shawn finally asked, "It's almost tailored made for you."

Lassiter looked down at his suit. He ran a hand over the lapel of the jacket.

"That's because it was."

"On _your_ wages?" Shawn asked in slight disbelief.

"You pay what you must for special occasions."

Shawn laughed a little. Lassiter felt the other man in his arms. He didn't feel cold anymore. He was warming up. He still smelled like the ocean though, all salt and breeze. Shawn had lost his hat long before now and his hair, previously slicked back, was free. Lassiter had the tiniest urge to fix it but it never seemed to register.

"I didn't realize that this trip could mean so much to a Constable," Shawn responded.

"No, not the trip. This was the tuxedo I wore to my wedding."

Shawn moved to look up at Lassiter.

"You're married?" Shawn asked, sticking to character.

Lassiter paused and then shook his head.

"I haven't been married for a long time now. My wife left me a few years ago. She came back once but just to tell me she was through with me."

Shawn was at a loss for words. Lassiter didn't look particularly sad. He just looked solemn and accepting but it was surreal to hear him talk about his ex-wife, especially since Shawn was there when said ex had reappeared. It was funny how Shawn and Lassiter seemed to just be around whenever things happened in life. In a way, it made them close. They'd had their moments of mutual insecurity, loss, fear, sadness. They'd built one another up on more than one occasion. Still, moments aside there was something distinctly unnatural about being so blatantly open with one another.

Then again, they weren't just normal old Lassiter and Spencer, now were they?

"I can't see why any woman would want to be through with you," Shawn said quietly.

And because they weren't plain old Lassiter and Spencer.

"You seem pleasant enough, Constable."

It meant that it was okay to be honest.

"You're fairly handsome too." Shawn continued, "You have amazing eyes, Constable. They're like two pools of ice water. I noticed that when you first grabbed me off the railing. You have very nice eyes, strong hands too."

Lassiter took his arm off of Shawn, hoping it would prompt Shawn to also pull away but Shawn stayed put. Shawn actually moved in closer to Lassiter.

"T-thank you," Lassiter managed to say, his Irish getting shaky.

Shawn's hand emerged out from the blanket. It crawled up Lassiter's arm, caressing the muscle hidden just underneath black fabric and a white button up sleeve.

"You're very in shape, Constable." Shawn said, sounding mostly innocent, "I'm glad you were the one to find me. If it had been anyone else, I might be at the bottom of the ocean right now."

Lassiter stood up quickly and awkwardly. He moved across the room and began to fuss with his cufflinks. He harassed the perfect buttons on it, trying to grope at hope of putting them back in some order. Lassiter sighed as he let his hands drop to his sides. His buttons were perfect the way they were. There wasn't a damn thing he could do to keep himself busy.

"Constable," Shawn said, getting an idea, "would you mind if I cleaned myself up a bit?"

Lassiter, pleased that Shawn had deduced a way to excuse himself, nodded. Shawn disappeared behind a door. Of course, despite the creepy accuracy of the ship's structure and layout, Stephanie did feel as if a few modern accommodations were necessary, like personal bathrooms and showers in the first and second class rooms. Third class had public showers and bathrooms, like a college dorm would. Shawn was secretly thrilled that he wouldn't have to take part in community bathing.

Shawn gently closed the door behind him. He did it so gently in fact that it didn't quite close. The door silently strayed a few inches open. Lassiter found himself looking through the open sliver and watched as Shawn turned on the water. Slowly, Shawn began to undress.

Lassiter wasn't sure what prevented him from moving. He couldn't quite place his reason for not shutting his eyes, or walking away, or simply closing the door. He just couldn't.

Shawn pulled down each suspender slowly. His arm slid out of them smoothly and the two straps hung down by the sides of his legs before he un-tucked his shirt. Shawn then moved on to the buttons. It was funny. Lassiter half expected Shawn to be facing the mirror but Shawn had his back to it. It was surprisingly not narcissistic of him.

Shawn undid each button slowly. His fingers didn't fumble or fly through them. They just approached each one carefully. He wasn't stripping or simply taking his clothes off. He was de-robing himself and it was graceful in way that Lassiter hadn't expected.

Shawn slid out of his shirt sleeves. The fabric seemed to linger on his arms, a fleeting embrace. Shawn then folded it and set it on the counter with a strange tenderness. He was treating his clothing like it was important, like it was a part of him. Lassiter stared at Shawn in slight wonder.

Shawn sat down on the sink and untied his shoes before slipping them off. He was being so specific and detailed. Even his socks were folded together in a neat pair.

Now Shawn was left in nothing but pants. Lassiter knew that he needed to look away. He had to look away now but nothing happened beyond the notion. Lassiter stared at Shawn. Shawn's naked torso was tanned, his abs slight but present. His biceps had more muscle on them than expected. Just how long had those muscles held Shawn to the boat? Lassiter could see the soreness on them, how red they were and how strained they looked. Shawn had held on for dear life. He really had gone through the trouble of exhausting himself. That was just like him, to keep pushing and going and holding until he burned out.

Shawn was more than half naked. Lassiter felt like he could really see Shawn for who he was, hardworking in his own way, stubborn, strong, weak, careless, graceful. It was like looking at Shawn when Shawn thought nobody was looking. It was like watching him cry in that car after the funeral again.

Lassiter suddenly felt watched and he looked up to see Shawn staring right at him. Shawn didn't say anything. He wasn't smirking or raising an eyebrow. He just stared at Lassiter as blank as Shawn could have possibly been. It wasn't an invitation or declining gesture. It was just a wordless, expressionless gaze that seemed to say "I see you."

Lassiter coughed hard and purposefully. He walked away from his spying spot and approached the dresser.

"Right! I'll just prepare for bed then," he said, not sure what else to do.

Lassiter stripped with almost militant efficiency down to his boxers. He hung up his tuxedo quickly. He was tempted to linger and look at it. He always was when he saw it which explained why he usually hid it so expertly in the back of his closet. Things may not have worked out between him and his ex-wife but it wasn't as if he hadn't loved her. He had.

Lassiter couldn't help it. He lingered. His hand rested on the pocket. He recalled wearing a yellow flower in it. Yellow was her favorite color. She hated orange but she loved yellow. Lassiter liked blue but that didn't matter. _She_ liked yellow and back then he would have given her the world. He could deal with a little yellow.

Lassiter heard the shower shut off and in a panic, he shut off the lights and flung himself into bed. He pulled the covers over himself quickly and pretended to be asleep. He felt stupid lying there and faking a light snore. Shawn had had the door slightly open. It wasn't as if he didn't know that Lassiter hadn't just jumped into bed. Nonetheless, Lassiter continued his charade hoping that it might ward Shawn away.

Lassiter felt deathly wrong as he heard his bed creak with Shawn's weight.

"What are you doing, boy?" Lassiter asked, still playing Constable.

Shawn slid up closer to Lassiter. He smelled clean now. It was almost alluring.

"Forgive me, Constable," Shawn said quietly, "I just don't quite trust myself to be alone yet."

There was nothing that Lassiter could say to that. He just lied there in silence for a minute. The eventual agreement was inevitable but Lassiter would give a moment of tension at least. He couldn't throw Shawn out after a reason like that but he could make him squirm for a second, couldn't he?

"Just stay on your side," Lassiter replied with a grumble.

Shawn smiled, his content grin hidden in the dark. Lassiter's bed was warm and inviting and the fact that Lassiter ducked into it so quickly saved Shawn the pain of asking to stay the night. He'd gotten to just slip in. Shawn was so tempted to make a joke about having a sleepover and starting a pillow fight but he held it all back. If he stood a chance with this, then he had to keep playing his part.

"Constable?" Shawn asked after a moment of silence.

Lassiter groaned, "Yes?"

"Why were you watching me?"

Lassiter's face turned stark red and his face felt hotter than hell itself.

"Well- I-"

"I mean, all day you've been watching me."

Lassiter calmed down. If Shawn had been specific, asked Lassiter why'd he'd been watching him undress, Lassiter honestly wouldn't have had an answer.

"But why?" Shawn asked.

_Because you're an idiot goofball who would totally fall off the ship or get into trouble and get hurt or hurt someone else and I'm responsible for you._

"I don't know," Lassiter defaulted.

This was getting stupid. It was one thing to sit around and pretend when they were trying to avoid _actually_ talking about something important but it was another thing when Shawn was forcing his way into Lassiter's bed and trying to make pillow talk.

"Shawn, can we stop with the games please?" Lassiter asked, his accent not quite dropping.

Shawn didn't say anything but the next thing Lassiter knew, a pair of arms embraced him from behind. It was a tight embrace and Lassiter suddenly realized something.

_Oh sweet justice, he's naked!_

"Spencer!" Lassiter shouted as he tried to pull away.

Shawn grip was iron tight. Lassiter wondered how it was possible. Shawn's arms should have been rendered useless after hours of work but they held onto him.

"Lassie, just calm down," Shawn said soothingly.

"Calm down! Shawn, you're naked and cuddling me!"

"I know! Look, I wanted to try a more traditional route, dinner and movie or something but- we're on the freaking Titanic, Lassie!"

"What are you talking about!" Lassiter shouted as he finally broke free of Shawn's embrace.

Lassiter rolled over and stood beside the bed. He turned on the bedside lamp quickly. Shawn laid there in the bed, his hair slightly damp and tousled. His big brown eyes seemed to plead with Lassiter but Lassiter ignored the plea.

"What the hell!" Lassiter shouted.

"Lassie, I don't know how else to say this, but I kind of maybe want to try things out with you."

"Try? Try what!" Lassiter asked, half furious and half horrified.

"I don't know! This is just as new to me as it is to you so if you could cut me a break, I'd really appreciate it."

Shawn was trying to figure things out. He knew that he liked Lassiter. He'd known for a while now. He'd never actually expected himself to make a move and yet here he was naked in the other man's bed.

_And what a move, ladies and gentlemen!_ Shawn thought to himself sarcastically. _God, I am such a screw up!_

"This is- this is _sick_, Spencer," Lassiter shouted, "You're sick!"

Shawn glared a little.

"I'm sick?" Shawn said as he stood up from the bed, the whole of himself showing, "What about how you were staring at me while I was undressing?"

Lassiter's face went red again. It was in part because of his guilt but mostly because Shawn was fully exposed in front of him.

"You're attracted to me, Lassie, admit it!" Shawn demanded.

"Oh, I don't think so!" Lassiter shouted.

Shawn walked around to the other end of the bed and confronted Lassiter dead on.

"Then tell me you're not," he demanded.

Shawn stared down Lassiter and for the first time in a long time, Lassiter felt intimidated. He wanted to punch Shawn square in the face and throw him out but his body denied him. He was too busy being stuck under that stare of Shawn's. He looked so convinced that he was right and Lassiter, no matter how hard he fought the urge, knew Shawn was right. Even now, with Shawn's naked body so close to his, Lassiter could feel the stirrings of arousal.

Shawn grabbed Lassiter forcefully and pulled the taller man closer to his level. He kissed him with fierceness. Lassiter's eyes grew wide as Shawn forced their lips together. Lassiter pushed him away but Shawn still held onto him. Their lips parted but their proximity stayed the same.

"You're always watching me," Shawn said heatedly, "why?"

Lassiter stared at Shawn for a moment. He'd never been kissed like that. It was so reckless but then again Shawn was reckless. He was dangerous and childish and stupid… but he was also graceful and sensitive and beautiful.

Lassiter realized something. It wasn't something that could quite be put into words but it made him feel primal and angry. At the same time it made him feel something he hadn't felt in some time.

Lassiter grabbed Shawn with equal force and kissed him just as recklessly as he'd been kissed a moment ago. The kiss deepened quickly as Shawn caught on. Lassiter pushed Shawn down onto the bed. His body was on top of his and Shawn ran his hands over Lassiter's hovering torso. Somehow they found their way to Lassiter's boxers. They played about the waistband until Lassiter himself removed the boxers all together.

They went on like that for hours. They were a tangled mess of naked limbs and passionate, almost angry kissing. Their bodies rubbed against one another, generating heat and erection and eventual climax. The two laid side by side, exhausted from the intensity of their moment.

Lassiter rolled over onto his stomach. His breath was heavy. He couldn't tell what it was that he felt. It was a mix of things. He was questioning a lot and answering very little and that bothered him. Of all the things in the realm of possibilities, this wasn't what Lassiter had expected.

_Maybe I am attracted to him._ Lassiter thought as he looked over at Shawn.

Shawn looked back at Lassiter. He'd wanted something like this to happen for a while now. Sure, it was a strange enough notion to realize he had a crush of sorts on the detective but eventually he came to terms with it. After all, Shawn had sworn off of woman and he was too much of a romantic at heart to never fall in love again.

Women were just…too fragile. You could never love them fully and if you did they were too easily taken away by the world. Loving a woman was a dangerous thing. Loving a good woman was deadly. Shawn knew in his heart that Juliet's death had nothing to do with her being female but it wasn't just her passing that bothered him. Shawn had wanted to marry Juliet, he truly did. He'd gone and bought a ring and everything but Juliet unknowingly brushed him away. Women took time to be loved. They couldn't let their love all crash down at once on someone and they're frightened at the idea of it happening to them. Shawn wanted to love her with all the passion and endlessness he had but in the end, she wasn't strong enough for it.

Shawn looked over at Lassiter's hand. It was calloused and rough. It was aged a bit too. Shawn loved Lassiter's hands, their capability and strength and resilience. They'd been through so much in life. Lassiter was so much like his hands. He feared nothing and he kept pressing on.

Men were capable of giving love with abandon but Lassiter was capable of receiving it. Shawn knew he wouldn't break him and if he could make him belong to him he might never lose him either.

Shawn's hands reached up and cradled Lassiter's one available hand. Lassiter and Shawn had the same size of hands so the fit was perfect. Shawn held Lassiter's hand and pulled it close to his chest. Shawn couldn't pinpoint the exact time he fell in love with Lassiter. He knew it was after the majority of mourning Juliet. Maybe a year ago? Did it matter? The point was he loved him and while the scene that had just played out didn't mean they were together it at least meant he stood a shot.

Lassiter's fingers went rigid in the embrace of Shawn's. Shawn had one hand under and one on top of Lassiter's hand and oddly enough, Lassiter didn't feel like pulling away. He felt slightly uncomfortable but not to the extent that he needed to sever the contact.

Lassiter kept staring Shawn in the eyes and Shawn met his stare back with no apologies. There was something in Shawn's eyes. Lassiter couldn't place the exact emotion he just felt like Shawn was telling him that he needed him.

'_I need you?' Is that it?_ Lassiter wondered.

As if on cue, the hand underneath Lassiter's curled and laced in between Lassiter's. Shawn held Lassiter's hand firmly.

"Just don't let go, okay Lassie?" Shawn said as he closed his eyes.

Lassiter couldn't help but remember pulling Shawn back over the railing of the ship. His mind recalled how heavy Shawn was and how lifeless. Shawn was all but dead weight by then. Now, he lied next to Lassiter, alive and well and falling asleep and Lassiter quietly thanked God that he'd made it in time because Lassiter couldn't take it if someone with so much energy, so much talent and heart and just left the world.

Lassiter curled his fingers too and held Shawn's hand.

_Especially not him._

**A/N: I love fluff. I'm such a fluff writer. XD Fluff's all around!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Warning, slight hilarity and adorable fluff ahead.**

Lassiter slowly rolled over to his left. The sun had just barely reached the porthole window of his room and the light was dancing too close to his eyelids for comfort. He was hung over of course. It's wasn't too bad but then again his perspective of his hang over had yet to test standing up or opening his eyes. However, the sun shifting the back of eyelids to a mild red only seemed to annoy him _slightly_ which Lassiter took as a good sign.

"Good morning- Carlton," a voice said somewhat awkwardly.

Lassiter's eyes opened so quickly that the sudden intake of daylight made his ears ring. Lassiter stared at Shawn staring back at him. Shawn smiled clumsily and waved at Lassiter.

"Oh sweet justice," Lassiter paused as he recollected the night before, "we didn't."

"Oh, but Lassie, we _did_," Shawn replied both sarcastically and apologetically.

Lassiter sat up straight, much to his head's dismay. One hand went straight to put pressure against his aching forehead while the other maneuvered on the bed to help with Lassiter's balance. However, there something wrong about the texture it was touching. It felt…absolutely nothing like bed sheet but like bed sheet covered in dry-

Lassiter removed his hand in horror and held it as far away from him as possible.

"Tell me that is not what I think it is!"

"The better question is; is it yours or mine…probably both now that I think about it," Shawn pondered.

Lassiter didn't care about his headache anymore. He jumped out of bed and made a beeline for the bathroom where he began running his soiled hand under the hottest water the sink had to offer.

"Lassie, just- calm down, okay?" Shawn called from the bedroom.

Lassiter stared at his reflection for a moment. He left the water running, trying to pretend that it somehow overpowered the sound Shawn's request. Lassiter looked tired and flustered and most of all bewildered.

_Dear God what have I done?_ Lassiter thought.

Lassiter hoped that Shawn would take a hint. He prayed that the blabby, inquisitive little phony psychic would just get dressed and get out. He begged God, the universe, and the sweetest of all justices to grace him just once in his miserable life and send Shawn away. Not that Lassiter necessarily wanted Shawn to leave; he just didn't want to deal with…this.

Shawn waited outside the bathroom door with an insurmountable discomfort and indecisiveness. His face and hands registered several gestures and expressions as he went through various plans of action in his head. Should he go in after Lassiter? Should he call him out? Should he wait?

…should he just leave?

Shawn shook his head. No, absolutely not. This was no time to tuck tail and run.

Lassiter kept thinking as the water continued to run wasted in every aspect except that it was noise. The ramifications of last night were listing off in Lassiter's head by the second. He'd slept with a man. He'd sexually fraternized with an unofficial-a-but-a-still-a member of the department. The bed had sperm and sweat on it so there was no denying what happened, not to mention Lassiter had woken up to Shawn lying in bed with him.

_Oh no. I didn't just sleep with a _**man**…_I slept with _**Shawn**.

Shawn still stayed in place after a few minutes had passed. He didn't know what to do. He knew he had to calm the situation somehow. He knew that he couldn't make himself go in there. He knew there was no way he was leaving. If there was ever a time that Shawn needed to stand his ground it was now.

_After all, I stand a chance, don't I?_ Shawn wondered.

Lassiter breathed in heavy. He'd waited long enough. Shawn should be gone. Of course he was gone. He had to be. It wasn't like Spencer was _that_ stupid. And Lassiter was sure that some higher authority had acknowledged his plea.

Lassiter was wrong though as he walked outside the bathroom to find Shawn standing there. The powers that be had not granted him his wish after all.

Shawn gave a concerned smirk.

"Really, Lassie, it's just cum," Shawn said, accidently saying the first thing that came to mind.

Shawn immediately regretted his approach as Lassiter recoiled in disgust.

"Just cum? Just cum!" Lassiter shouted, "Spencer, you and I are-"

"Hot and bothered for each other?" Shawn interrupted, his witty banter not missing a beat no matter how much he wished it would.

Lassiter crossed his arms. He never understood why he did that around Spencer. It was only around him too. Maybe it was just his way of announcing to Spencer that he was pissed. Shawn read it as Lassie feeling insecure. In the strangest of ways, they were both right.

"I'm so glad you find this funny," Lassiter growled.

The growl in Lassiter's voice sent a cliché shiver up Shawn's spine. Lassie looked so brooding and something about that turned Shawn on.

"It's not funny," Shawn assured him, eyeing him lustily but maintaining tone, "I just can't help myself."

Lassiter looked over at Shawn. He'd been avoiding direct eye contact but the sincerity of the statement forced his attention.

Shawn looked good naked. He looked very good naked. Lassiter felt embarrassed as he caught himself thinking about it but he couldn't bring himself to look away either. Shawn's tanned skin, pink nipples, slight abs, and slight erection were driving Lassiter crazy in the best and worst ways.

Lassiter had never _ever_ been attracted to a man in his entire life. It was just simply not in his system to find men attractive but the person Lassiter was looking at was no mere man. It was Shawn. Shawn _Spencer._ Somehow, the gay aspect of all this didn't matter anymore when it came to that.

Shawn took a step towards Lassiter. He had to be brave faced. One of them had to swallow their insecurity and do something and if Lassie wasn't going to man up then Shawn would.

"Constable," Shawn said, "I apologize if I caught you off guard last night. I'm afraid I was highly upset. I wasn't quite myself."

Well, that's not what Shawn had intended to go with but if it worked once…

Lassie's mouth dropped as he registered what Shawn was attempting. It then promptly clamped shut and pulled into a sneer of irritation.

"Spencer, now is not the time for games! This is a serious-"

"Constable," Shawn continued, desperate for something, _anything_, that could do some damage control, "I can understand your panic. I'm not exactly sure of things myself but I make one humble request of you."

"You've got to be kidding me!" Lassiter yelled.

"Constable," Shawn said, his brown eyes pleading, "just one request, that's all I ask."

Lassiter stared into Shawn's dark, soft eyes. He'd denied those eyes plenty of times in the past. Hell, he'd more or less shot them down with all the cruelty of a bullet to the iris but something had changed between the two of them. Now Lassiter found himself wanting to take that sad, frightened and desperate look on Shawn's face and right it. Besides, how else were they going to resolve the…incident? By _actually _ talking to each other?

_God, no. _

Lassiter sighed. Shawn was dead set on the charade and Lassiter didn't see any better options.

"I ought to beat you to death, not take requests," Lassiter replied, his Irish singing with irritation.

Once again, Shawn felt himself get excited. Plain, regular detective with icy blues and a bad attitude Lassie was sexy but Irish Lassie? Irish Lassie was sexy and foreign sexy. It was like adding an extra dollop of sex on top of a sex sundae. There was no hiding Shawn's slight erection but he didn't want to hide it. He noticed how Lassiter looked at it. It made Lassiter turn red and flustered and Shawn wanted nothing more than to give a cocky smile and tell the struggling detective point blank that it was his fault it kept moving up. Instead he focused on his words.

"I ask that you not think too hard about it all."

"Excuse me?" Lassiter asked.

All Lassiter _could_ do was think about it. The scenes played over and over as his head shambled to piece them together while simultaneously trying to bury the memory so deep that he'd forget it all together.

"React, sir," Shawn advised, "don't think. Do what your body tells you to. I have the feeling you don't do that often enough."

"A feeling? What are you? Some kind of psychic?" Lassiter grunted.

Shawn kept up his sincere face but somewhere in the back of his mind as he snorted a laugh.

_Good one, Lassie._

"I won't pressure you into anything and if you want to forget all this, I'll leave right now and we'll never speak of it again," Shawn offered.

Lassiter was a little surprised. He thought Spencer might want to brush off the whole thing but not never speak about it. Lassiter was pretty sure that Shawn would turn it all into some joke and it would just be added onto the pile of stuff that Lassiter had labeled as the bane of his existence. But no, here Shawn was being reasonable and giving Lassiter the green light to pretend nothing had ever happened.

"I-" Lassiter began.

"Or!" Shawn said quickly before slowly moving towards Lassiter, "…or we can choose not to think logically about this. We can act like we don't have to be a certain way or do certain things. As long as we're on this ship, we can pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist. There is no right or wrong beyond what we deem it to be. Free of society and obligation we can respond the way nature intended. No labels, no plans, nothing but two bodies and a little time. Don't think just respond and do it honestly."

Despite the façade, Lassiter knew that somewhere in there the real Shawn was asking this. The real Shawn would never put it so eloquently or be so genuine but between the actor and the character, the feeling was mutual. Shawn was asking for a chance. Lassiter didn't understand why or for what but he couldn't deny himself that he was actually considering.

Shawn took two more steps and stood with Lassiter nose to nose. He stared into Lassiter's eyes, two crystal blue spheres that revealed shock and nervousness.

Lassiter's heart was beating so fast he felt like it might give out at any second. This was crazy. This was madness. He couldn't do this. He could not do this. He wouldn't.

"Do you want me to leave?" Shawn asked, not asking Detective Lassiter or Constable Lassiter or even Carlton Lassiter. The question was asked straight to Lassiter's heart and his heart could find no reason to say yes.

But Lassiter couldn't say no either. Words failed him entirely as he looked at Shawn, a poetic, naked, beautiful Shawn who was hanging by a thread. He was so sincere, so serious and more real than Lassiter had ever known him to be. It wasn't acting anymore. This _was _Shawn. This was the Shawn that lied behind witty words and smirks and smiles. This was the Shawn that hid behind closed doors. This was Shawn.

Lassiter titled his head slightly, the gesture allowing his lips to get closer to Shawn's. He hovered by them for a moment. Their breathe mingled, one breathing out as the other breathed in. Lassiter wanted to say something but words didn't exist anymore. There were no words to be spoken between them. Everything was said through their eyes, their skin, their breath.

_I need you._

_I know._

_Do you want me? Here? Like this?_

…_I do…I'm scared._

_Me too. Hold me._

Lassiter moved to embrace Shawn tightly. He pulled him close and wrapped his arms around the smaller man's torso. Shawn responded just as fast and gripped onto Lassiter with need. They took in the smell and feel of one another. It'd been too longed since either of them had been held and yet, they'd never been like this with anyone before.

"Lassie?" Shawn said quietly.

"Yes?" Lassiter responded, accent free.

Shawn's fingers curled into Lassiter's back.

…_I love you._

Lassiter's hand traveled up the back of Shawn's head where it coaxed Shawn's face to hide in Lassiter's shoulder.

_I know… I know._

**A/N: Is it over? NO! :D In my awesome and overwhelming love for these two, I'm going to make this story just a little longer! I'm thinking FIVE chapters. That's right. Five. That'll be a new record for these two and me! Leave love and reviews. ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I told you guys that I was going to do two more chapters and so help me God, I will fulfill that promise! –takes a proud stance- Sort of! I'm sorry guys but I just plain don't have it in me to write two more chapters but I won't leave you guys hanging. I wrote this last chapter and I included something taaaaaasty.**

The next week was surreal to say the least. Lassiter never spent so much time with another human being, let alone Shawn. The usual annoyance Lassiter felt toward Shawn had shifted from an unbearable urge to push him to the opposite end of the planet to a sort of affectionate irritation. Sort of like when a pet cat keeps rubbing against your leg when you're obviously busy and running late.

To be fair, the time they spent together wasn't the 'attached to the hip' sort of time. It was more or orbit they took near one another, occasionally coming close but more or less just staying within eyesight. It made sense in though. It wasn't as if they could freely frolic in their honeymoon stage. For one thing Lassiter just was not the type but more importantly they had work to do. Undercover work. In an era where one did not simply have a homosexual relationship in public.

Not to mention that Lassiter wasn't so sure he wanted a relationship let along a homosexual one and much less in public. Things were confusing to say the least for the poor detective. In a matter of one night he had shifted his feelings for Shawn and as a result, he thought, must have shifted his sexual preference. However, he didn't suddenly feel attracted to men as a sex. It was only Shawn and that idea confused him even more. Wasn't Shawn supposed to be that annoying little tick behind his ear? When did he become a bothersome pet cat to Lassiter? Lassiter didn't even like cats to begin with. Either way, Lassiter was at least glad that their mission gave him an easy excuse to not out himself.

The way Shawn and Lassiter went about their day was simple. Shawn would sneak out of Lassiter's room early in the morning. Then later that morning Lassiter and Shawn would start secretly patrolling the ship. They wouldn't really talk often or interact much except when Shawn would do something stupid like play with the ship ropes or climb into the life boats to get Lassie's attention and sure enough Lassiter came running to the rescue (well, the rescue of the ship anyway).

It was a game of tease and touch interspersed in their work. Every limited touch between them was hyper charged. Even grabbing Shawn by the collar, as affectionately irritated as Lassiter would be, sent an electric charge through both men's' bodies. It was sexual. It was emotional. It was the simple and complex need to touch and be touched. Needless to say the limitedness of their daily routine was frustrating to both Lassiter and Shawn in ways they'd never been frustrated in before.

At night both Lassiter and Shawn went to their own rooms. Lassiter would stay up waiting for Shawn, anticipating when Shawn would quietly open Lassiter's door with that cheeky smile on his face. Lassiter would be sure have showered by then and he'd sit on his bed reading a book by lamplight masking his excitement with that serious and studious scowl of his. Shawn would eventually enter and greet Lassiter with some witty comment and Lassiter would wave it off hardly looking up from his book. Shawn would then make his way to the shower and Lassiter was forced to sit their attempting to concentrate on words while fighting the urge to watch Shawn undress.

Shawn would come out about five to ten minutes later and all the facades in the world couldn't be strong enough to stop Lassiter from dropping his book all together and shameless watching Shawn slip off the his towel and crawl under the covers next to Lassiter. They'd talk briefly mostly about what they saw throughout the day. They'd compare notes and observations but really they were waiting for who would initiate the touch. The air around them was taught just waiting for one of them to break and it wasn't long until one of them did.

And then it was all touch and kiss, bodies and climax. Their initial explorations were hesitant at first for fear that the other would suddenly come to his senses but Shawn never changed his mind and Lassiter kept his word and did whatever it was that his body moved him to do. It didn't take long before their physical expeditions became fervent. It never quite reached on all out passion but it would get desperate or excited. Both were still holding back for respective reasons but over time they began to give and take more and more.

It never fully hit Lassiter how tortuously they needed each other to touch until the moment it started. In the exact moment that lips met lips there was a sudden realization and all their subconscious desires and sub textual messages manifested into need and action. It was like taking on an entirely new view and all the games they'd be playing became obsolete and was immediately substituted with the real thing.

However, tonight was different. This night was the last night of the short cruise and it meant Shawn and Lassiter's last night together and unfortunately it was the only night that they couldn't spend together. There was a huge gala event planned that night as a farewell party for the richer guests on board and Lassiter was asked to attend (for security purposes of course). Shawn however was not supposed to go to the upper crust shindig. He had other duties concerning the second class, i.e. patrolling them. All events that night, official or otherwise, we're expected to last most of the night even to the point of crawling well into the early morning.

So Shawn felt sullen as he sat near the edge of the ship. He watched the waves lazily lap against each other and he sighed. He didn't feel like doing his job anymore much less pestering Lassie for attention. What would be the point? So he could end up looking depressed to the detective and end up reminding them both that what they had was going to be over, come tomorrow afternoon? It was better to have no interaction than that.

Shawn inched closer to the edge of the ship and pushed his legs out through the railing. He didn't fear the water after his suicide attempt and he certainly didn't fear that he'd try again. As cliché as it was, Shawn felt like he had a new lease on life now that he had Lassiter's affection as temporary as it may be.

_Temporary…damn it._

Shawn spiraled into a case of 'what if's quickly. _What if Lassie really does end this after the cruise is over? What if he never talks about it again? What if he ignores it completely? What if he ignores me completely? What am I going to do now that he knows I feel this way…?_

Shawn didn't think he could handle it if Lassiter denied him entirely. After all, Shawn's first love left, his second love died…what would become of Shawn if his third and last love completely disowned him in every way?

Despite his concerns, Shawn had specifically avoided talking about the aftermath with Lassiter. Talking about the future freaks out anyone let alone someone as iffy as Lassiter. Shawn decided in the beginning that he'd much rather enjoy the time he had with Lassiter but now he was starting to wonder if it'd be worth it in the end. He wondered how the world would look to him if this was all for nothing and he wondered if the water would look as friendly and open to him as it did when he first got on this ship, an endless galaxy he could just fall away to and disappear.

"Mr. Spencer," said a soft, feminine and British voice.

Shawn looked up to see Stephanie standing next to him. Today, she wore a dark pink dress with a rather full skirt. The muted pink complimented her skin beautifully but not as much as her now brown hair did.

"Ms. Stephanie," Shawn said, attempting to stay in character, "how is it you managed to change your hair like that? Are you wearing a wig?"

Stephanie carefully knelt down beside Shawn and her skirt splayed out around her. It was obvious that she'd gone and dyed her hair but Shawn didn't understand why. It seemed severely out of character. Why now during a reenactment? It didn't make any sense.

"A little birdy told me that I remind you of someone you loved," she said in not much more than a whisper.

Shawn didn't know what to say at first. She sounded almost apologetic about her appearance and Shawn but disliked that and appreciated it.

"Does it bother you," she said, breaking character entirely and returning to her natural American accent, "that I look like her?"

Shawn found himself shaking his head no and he meant it. It hurt at first but that was because Shawn had so buried Juliet in his mind that it was a shock to see Stephanie. By now though, Shawn had adjusted and realized that Stephanie only slightly resembled Juliet and considerably less now that she was a brunette.

"You didn't have to dye your hair for me," he said, putting a hand on top of Stephanie's.

"Tell that to the poor speedboat driver that I sent out here in the rain," she laughed lightly, "and all for a box of hair dye too."

Shawn laughed at the idea. He then gave Stephanie's hand a squeeze and let it go.

"I appreciate the thought," he told her, "but I'll be okay now. I figure she wouldn't want me to still be pining for her and I'm not anymore. I'll always love her but…I love someone else now maybe I always loved him too."

Shawn didn't catch himself saying 'him'. It didn't register that he was giving anything away by saying it. Little did Shawn know though that Stephanie broke out into a tender and very satisfied grin. Shawn was too busy looking at the sunset around him and listening to the oceanic music that surrounded the pause in their conversation.

"You should come to the party this evening," Stephanie said, returning to character.

Shawn looked at her with slight surprise. Sure, he'd wanted an invitation to go but he wasn't expecting it.

"But I-" Shawn tried to word it right, "-I don't have a suit. Wouldn't I fit in better with third class?"

"I brought a spare suit with me," she said, "in case of necessity. It might be a little big on you but I've got a tailor on board who can miracles in a minute."

Stephanie shuffled her way to a stand, smoothing out the wrinkles in her skirt as she went. She brought a hand to a stray lock of hair and pushed it behind her ear.

"But what about-"

Shawn was trying to ask her if he was sure whether or not him not keeping an eye on third class was a good idea.

"Third class will be fine without you, Mr. Spencer."

"How do you know?" asked Shawn thinking himself very clever for managing to come up with that.

Stephanie smirked and motioned for Shawn to stand up to which he happily adhered to.

"I've got more friends in third class," Stephanie said with a slight slyness, "on this whole ship actually than you realize."

_She's got spies!_ Shawn realized, _Geez, she really takes her security seriously if she didn't bother to tell me or Lassie about this._

"And my friends tell me," Stephanie said, turning around and beginning to walk forward, "that Constable Lassiter would be very pleased to see you there."

Shawn was flabbergasted.

_She knows. Shit, she knows!_ He mentally panicked. This was sure to ensure all sorts of questions and assumptions that Shawn really didn't want to answer or refute/confess to. He thought he'd been very sneaky but somehow Stephanie knew what Shawn and Lassiter had been up to. Shawn blamed the thrill of sneaking around as his downfall. If he hadn't been so damn excited then maybe he wouldn't have gotten caught.

_Or maybe…she just has really good spies._

"Come along, Mr. Spencer," Stephanie said, "we don't have any time for talk if we're going to make you presentable in time for him."

Shawn hesitated to follow and Stephanie turned around. She gave him a genuine and warm smile that seemed to say, it's okay and Shawn wondered why he distrusted her in the first place.

Later that night Lassiter mulled around the party with a bored slightly somber look on his face. It was obvious to anyone that he wasn't happy so much so that people avoided him like the plague. Lassiter was in the kind of mood where people knew instinctively that saying anything to him, anything at all, was not going to help. Even the wait staff stayed cleared of him. After the first roaming waiter with an hors d'oeuvres plate got his head bitten off by the moody detective it was established that no one else wanted a piece of him. Even Mary, who had been trying desperately to win over Lassiter's attention once more over the course of the last week, was now keeping her distance.

Lassiter couldn't help it. He just didn't want to be here with these people. He wanted to be in his room in his shower soaping himself up and humming quietly in own excitement. He wanted that little bit of routine that Shawn and he managed to establish so wordlessly and effortlessly. To be fair though, the more Lassiter thought about the more he realized that it wasn't so much the routine he wanted but Shawn.

It occurred to Carlton on more than one occasion that this night was coming. He knew from the moment they started something that it would come to an end and eventually they'd have to have _the talk_. No not the talk about birds and bees but rather that other big talk that people have at least once in their lives. It was the conversation concerning 'where is this going' 'what are we' and 'are we together or not'. Yeah, that talk.

Lassiter wasn't very good at talking. Not only that but he still wasn't entirely sure where he stood on the subject. Did he want to be with Shawn? Well he didn't not want to be with Shawn. Then again he wasn't exactly confident in waving around a rainbow flag and joining the 'I Love Shawn Spencer' fan club either. Lassiter had mixed feelings about it all. He did want to be with Shawn but their long history of rival friendship made it never want to admit it.

There was also the subject of Lassiter's sexuality. Did all this _stuff_ mean he was now gay? No it didn't and Lassiter very well knew that. Lassiter couldn't possibly see himself with another man in any sort of romantic manner. It really was just the one exception of Shawn.

_So what does that make me? A Spencer-sexual?_

The idea made Lassiter groan. He didn't like thinking this sort of thing out on his own and he suddenly missed O'Hara greatly. She would know what to do. She'd find a way to explain this and make it right.

_Okay, not right but at the very least bearable._

But O'Hara wasn't there to be the sole outlet of Lassiter's need to discuss things, not that he'd ever admit to needing to discuss anything. He supposed he needed to move on in that sense. Besides, even O'Hara was here she shouldn't be the person that Lassiter talks to about this. It should be Shawn.

Lassiter was scared and unsure though about himself and about Shawn. Everything was confusing and strange and aggravating. He wished he could just stay as they had been for the last week. After the initial awkwardness of slipping into things, it became almost natural. Lassiter liked steadiness and predictability. It made him feel safe and now he felt very emotionally insecure.

Lassiter avoided drinking tonight. He knew better than to get himself inebriated a second time on this cruise. It was highly unprofessional if not just plain stupid. His fingers twitch at the sight of champagne filled glasses but he took a deep breath and let it pass.

Lassiter almost wished that he was with Shawn not just for the security but also because stumbling into a half assed conversation about what everything meant was sure to happen. Granted, it might happen in the stupidest of ways. Any real conversation they had up until this point was done so in their ship roles. There was a saving grace in that but Lassiter realized it was ridiculous too. They shouldn't feel the need to hide behind fake accents and pseudo names. Not that they weren't always like that when they were together, just in front of others or when they had to have an important conversation. Other than that, they actually managed to be themselves or rather parts of them the other hadn't seen.

Lassiter acted lovingly toward Shawn and he knew for a fact was a side of him that Shawn had never truly witnessed. Lassiter was also a little unbridled, very little but still unbridled. He felt passionate and ease. He felt happy.

Shawn equally exposed more of his personality. He was soft, small in his own way. All of his detective skills showed in how detailed he was as a lover. He was surprisingly nurturing and most importantly he took everything they did seriously.

Lassiter ran a hand through his hair and tried to brush the thought of Shawn away from his mind. There's wasn't any point in trying but he thought he may as well try. It was the least he could for his case. The only other options was to either stand around torturing himself all night or just up and decide that duty be damned and hunt Shawn down.

That's when he saw him. Lassiter had just turned for no particular reason towards the staircase probably just looking for a distraction of some kind and there at the top of that elaborate staircase was Shawn in a tuxedo.

Shawn looked cocky of course and way too excited to be there but there was grace in the way he came down those stairs. The entire room seemed to stop and stare but Lassiter was sure that was because of Stephanie who looked equally lovely and was on Shawn's arm. Lassiter however was fixated on Shawn and Shawn alone and the moment Shawn saw Lassiter in the crowd, Shawn was just as fixated on Lassiter.

Shawn and Stephanie approached Lassiter and Lassiter felt that blank stare of confusion become plastered on his face. This was an absolute impossibility. There was no reason for Shawn to be here in fact there was reason for Shawn not to be there.

"What are you doing here?" Lassiter asked, his Irish accent quieted in his shock.

Stephanie smiled a knowing smile.

"Think of it as my gift to you, Constable," she said, "for all the hard work you've done."

Shawn grinned at Lassiter and comically flattened an imaginary moustache with his free hand.

"I clean up well. Don't I, sir?" Shawn said.

Lassiter rolled his eyes justifying the break in character as Shawn had broken his by being a smart ass. Stephanie let go of Shawn's arm. She put a hand on Lassiter's shoulder and got close to his ear.

"Feel free to enjoy yourself tonight," she said in her normal voice, "I've got plenty of other undercover security in on the ship so don't worry about anything. Just have fun."

Stephanie then disappeared into the crowd leaving Lassiter at a loss. So he didn't have to do his job? So he could see Shawn tonight? So…they _were_ going to have the talk?

As Lassiter turned back around Shawn extended his hand to Lassiter. Lassiter was confused as he looked at the gestured hand as if he didn't even know what it was.

"May I have this dance?" Shawn asked.

Lassiter mouth dropped a little and he started to turn pink.

"What?" he managed to get out.

Shawn took another step closer to Lassiter and still held out his hand. Lassiter felt a shiver run down his spine as the distance closed between them. People in the immediate vicinity were eyeing Shawn and Lassiter curiously and Lassiter could feel them starting.

"May I have this dance?" Shawn repeated, emphasizing his words.

Lassiter went to take a step back but abruptly backed into a table. He was trapped and he knew it. He began to panic.

"I- I don't think that would be appropriate," Lassiter said, returning to the safety of his accent and role, "with me being a man and you a boy."

Shawn shook his head as Lassiter continuously looked anywhere and everywhere for an excuse or escape.

"No more games, Lassie." Shawn said, "It's just you and me now."

Lassiter swallowed hard as he realized what Shawn was asking. They couldn't hide behind facades anymore. They had to actually interact with each other. No more security blankets.

Lassiter was officially terrified.

"Hey," Shawn said, bringing a gloved hand to Lassiter's face, tenderly pulling Lassiter's eyes back to him, "it's going to be okay."

The look was soft. It was devoid of mockery or expectation. It was just comforting. Shawn's brows were slightly furrowed in concern, his eyes soft with empathy for Lassiter's fear, and those full, beautiful lips conveyed every seriousness Shawn had to offer.

Vulnerability; that's what all of this could be summed into. Lassiter was vulnerable in terms of his emotions and Shawn was vulnerable in his request. Shawn trusted Lassiter enough though to put himself out there and ask. The question was; did Lassiter trust Shawn enough to put himself out there and respond?

Lassiter met Shawn's hand nervously. He didn't know what it was in this man that pushed him the way he does. Then again, his reasoning had nothing to do with their competitive nature. Meeting Shawn's hand was a way of conquering Lassiter's fears; the fear of the talk, the fear of the implications, the fear of the future.

The two walked out onto the floor together to the surprise of the entire room. They were given looks of disgust as well as general surprise. There were a few off comments here and there but Lassiter ignored them and Shawn seemed to not hear them at all.

They picked a spot there on the floor and Lassiter of course took the man's role. He wasn't sure how an old style dance was going to work between two men but Shawn followed Lassiter's lead and the two flowed across the floor seamlessly.

"I didn't know you could dance Spencer," Lassiter commented his voice a little critical as he fell into their natural banter.

Shawn smiled and effortlessly followed Lassiter's movements. Lassiter's hand was a little lower on Shawn's back than it should be but Shawn didn't feel the need to correct him. He still danced rather well and better than Shawn had expected. Shawn chalked it up to having to learn to dance at that wedding of his so many ages ago.

"I gave myself a very thorough education, Lassie," Shawn replied and then raised a flirtatious eyebrow, "You'd be surprised what I've taught myself."

There it was again, that homoerotic subtext that had plagued their conversations for years. Now it was different though. It wasn't subtext anymore. It was just text.

"I don't want to know how you taught yourself to do what you do, Spencer," Lassiter retorted with a snort.

Spencer grinned mischievously. So this was how they were going to incorporate their new sexual relationship? Shawn thought it just as well and decided he was more than game.

"You felt very differently about that last night when I showed you how well I learned to suck a dick."

"Shawn!" Lassiter shouted, his face growing stark red.

There was a giggle from a dancing couple nearby. A woman apparently who had overheard that bit of their banter.

"What?" Shawn said exaggeratedly, "Come on now Lassie, if you and I are going to keep going at it like bunnies you're going to need to adjust to my frankness!"

Lassiter was embarrassed as hell. Why would he announce in public? Or ever? Lassiter did not need to hear Shawn say something like that. It was awkward and embarrassing and humiliating.

_And it turns me on_. Lassiter mentally sighed.

Lassiter was too at a loss for words to respond and in that moment of quiet the air around Shawn seemed to change. Lassiter's embarrassment lost important as Shawn's face shifted into a disappointed look.

"That is if we keep going, right Lassie?" he said.

Lassiter stopped right there in the middle of their dance. It was a dead halt and Shawn almost stepped on Lassiter's shoe from the abruptness. The room did out right stare at this point. Couples stopped their own dancing and watched the two men in the middle of the floor.

Lassiter looked around at them and their various expressions; surprise, revulsion, even shock. Could Lassiter deal with these kinds of stares for the rest of his life? Because Lassiter knew that it would be the rest of his life that he'd have to deal with them. He couldn't turn his back on Shawn now, not after how he'd come to know him. Denying Shawn would mean losing Shawn forever, he knew neither could cope with it any other way than absolute separation. Being with Shawn meant being with him forever though because…

_I love him._

Lassiter took one last lingering look before making his decision and saw Stephanie standing in the distance. She had a smile on her face as she watched them both and the kindness the radiated from those smiling lips assured Lassiter. It was okay. Not just in a societal sense but also…okay by Juliet. Her look alike supported them whole heartedly and maybe that approval was all he needed.

Lassiter kissed Shawn. He kissed him hard and with purpose just to ensure that there were no doubts. It was so romantic and unexpected that Shawn was too shocked to kiss Lassiter back.

Lassiter then broke the kiss and took Shawn by the hand. He was determined to show Shawn just how much he wanted to be with him. As Lassiter led Shawn out from the crowd, there was one lone applauder. Stephanie winked at them as they passed her and as they neared the top stair, the applause grew. It wasn't a sarcastic applause nor was it in celebration of their leaving. It was genuine. The people were clapping for them.

Out on the ship decks, Lassiter continued to lead Shawn at a somewhat fast pace.

"Lassie," Shawn asked after he recollected himself, "where are we going?"

"To my room."

"But the party's so fun-"

Lassiter stopped and turned to face Shawn.

"Look, Spencer," he said firmly, "Don't mess this up with some kind of sarcastic little quip but I'm going to make love to you tonight, you understand that?"

Shawn nodded and hardly had to hold back his tongue. He was too excited to be a smart ass. Up until tonight Shawn and Lassiter had gotten each other off and everything but full on sex had never occurred. Shawn wanted it to but he wanted to respect Lassiter's wishes at the same time so he often settled and enjoyed what he could get.

Lassiter fumbled with his room key for a moment but managed to succeed in opening the door. He pulled Shawn in and shut the door behind him.

They stared at each other for a minute as they did Lassiter's aggression quieted as did Shawn's ridiculous excitement. The severity of what they were about to do hit them both. Lassiter was now shier than before and couldn't find it in himself to step forward and follow through.

Shawn sensed this and took a step towards Lassiter. Lassiter, without meaning to, took a step back and bumped into the closed door. He then mentally cursed his ignorance of everything that had ever been behind him.

"Between the two of us," Shawn said once again closing the distance between them, "I should be the scared one. After all, it's kind of obvious that I'm a bottom."

"I'm not scared," Lassiter asserted.

Shawn had completely closed their distance at this point. He pressed his hips against Lassiter's and immediately began to feel arousal growing. He puts his hands on Lassiter's shoulders and rubbed up and down.

"Then why are you so nervous?" Shawn asked, seductively grinding his hips further into Lassiter's.

Lassiter's let out a slight moan from the pressure but tried to keep level headed.

"Stop," he said quietly, "just stop for a minute."

Shawn took a slight step back and looked very confused and disappointed. He really, really wanted to jump Lassie's bones but he was making it very difficult to even get started.

"What is it?" Shawn asked, careful to avoid sounding impatient.

"I'm nervous because," Lassiter closed his eyes and brace himself for the bomb he was dropping, "- I love you."

_Oh my God. Shawn thought._ As if the display in the ballroom wasn't enough to get the point across…_he actually said it. He loves me._

…_he loves me._

Shawn kissed Lassiter gently and Lassiter began kissing him back. They let their tongues dance against each other just as effortlessly and gracefully as the two men had danced earlier that night. It was less shy of a kiss and softer than before. It was intentional gentleness.

"I've always loved you," Shawn said after pulling away from their kiss and looking Lassiter deep in the eyes, "From that first day I met you, I started falling in love with you."

Enough had been said now. They didn't need to talk about futures and what things meant. It was apparent what they meant to one another and the course they'd take.

Lassiter kissed Shawn and the two kissed for a while as their hands roamed each other's bodies. Shawn had gone back to pressing his hips against Lassiter's and soon both of them had grown arousal. Lassiter then moved his lips to Shawn's neck and began to kiss the tender flesh it found. Shawn wanted more than kissing though and he quickly shrugged off his jacket and kicked off his shoes. His fingers made a quick move for the bow tie around his collar but Lassiter stopped him.

Lassiter wanted to undress Shawn himself. He wanted to be the force that revealed Shawn's body. As beautifully as Shawn could undress himself, Lassiter could sense his rush and Lassiter wanted to enjoy unveiling him piece by piece.

Lassiter shrugged off his own coat and began to undo the bow around Shawn's neck. He did it slowly almost painfully slowly but all in hopes to savor it all. Shawn began to mirror Lassiter's actions and soon the ties were off, the button shirts, then the under shirts. They both teased each other around the belt but Shawn gave in first and pulled the leather out from the loops. Lassiter felt the urge to catch up and sensuously did the same to Shawn before moving on to the zipper. Under the zipper, Lassiter could see Shawn's erection pushing against the fabric and Shawn, so anticipating its freedom stopped undressing Lassiter altogether. He released Shawn from his trousers, allowing them to fall enough for Shawn to kick and shimmy out of them. Then it was just the boxers which fell off with a simply, well placed tug.

Shawn was naked. He was naked and bare. He was vulnerable and yet oddly proud. Lassiter just drank it up for a moment. He appreciated and admired everything from the lean curves of muscle to the soft pouty lips and even (though he'd never put it into words) the impressive and tempting penis that stood erect and ready. It wasn't the fact that Shawn was male that turned Lassiter on so much. It was the fact that Shawn was Shawn and Lassiter wondered why he'd ever even for a minute argued with that fact.

Shawn watched as Lassiter's hands run over him. He could feel the affection and heat in Lassiter's fingertips and he wanted nothing more than to have this come to fruition. He also wanted to repay the favor and admire Lassiter's full naked body in return.

The two men quickly did away with Lassiter's pants and Shawn then marveled at how incredibly sexy Lassiter was in his boxers and stay ups. Shawn was always more of a pusher though and sank to his knees, wanting to show more physical appreciation and aching to put Lassiter a little more at ease.

Shawn undid the stir ups slowly almost as slowly as Lassiter had begun undressing him earlier. Shawn relished in the sound of the black elastic snapping back and then smiled at how they dangled by Lassiter's calf. He did the outer ones first. He then moved his way to Lassiter's inner thighs and slid his fingers underneath the boxers. His hands were dangerously close to Lassiter's balls and Shawn knew it. Shawn let one hand linger there and began to play with Lassiter as the other hand undid the last of the stay ups.

Lassiter stifled a moan as Shawn toyed with him. Shawn stopped for a moment but only to remove Lassiter's boxers. Shawn eyed Lassiter's hard cock with thirst and Lassiter held his breath waiting for the touch.

Shawn took in the tip of Lassiter's cock into his hot, wet mouth and as he did, he slid his tongue around it. Lassiter twitched from the touch and Shawn smiled slightly, amused by the response. Shawn sucked Lassiter's tip hard and then let Lassiter slide out of his mouth. Shawn then took in more of Lassiter and sucked, gradually repeating the process until he had all of Lassiter's length in his mouth.

Lassiter avoided his urge to put a hand on the back of Shawn's head wanting to be respectful but it was as if Shawn had read his mind. Shawn took one of Lassiter's hands and placed it on the back of his head. He glanced up at Lassiter, giving him a wink of approval and Lassiter quickly curled his fingers as he gripped Shawn's hair in a fist. Lassiter tilted back his head a let out a sigh as Shawn increased the pace of bobbing back and forth on Lassiter's member.

Lassiter felt as if he'd go over the edge at any moment but Shawn sensed that and slowly pulled away from Lassiter. He stood up and looked at Lassiter. It was a small lull in their foreplay but purposeful. Shawn knew that Lassiter was a little dizzied from his touch but he wanted to make sure that Lassiter was okay with moving forward.

"Are you sure about this?" Shawn said, "I won't say anything if you want to stop."

Lassiter felt an odd mix of sexual hunger and love. He wanted to throw Shawn down on the bed and have at him and at the same time he just wanted to be with Shawn. It was time that their childish games became adult. They both had to grow up in that sense and after doing so there was no going back. Lassiter quickly weighed that consequence in his mind. Considering their drastically different personalities, a slight age difference, and a history of slight rivalry combined with the fact that they work together all added up to a large possibility of failure.

This relationship could crash and burn and it wouldn't fail the way other relationships had. Lassiter didn't have much else but Shawn and Shawn didn't have any other hope than Lassiter. If this ended, and there was a strong argument for it, they couldn't just return to the awkward, unspoken reliability of one another. The failure of this relationship meant the destruction of each other.

_It's going to be okay though._

For the first time, Lassiter saw risk as a good thing. The fact that their relationship was so monumental and so vital to one another meant it was worth something. Maybe it was the fact that they could break one another that made it so perfect that they made each other whole.

"Spencer-" he rephrased, he needed to learn to be more personable that was for sure, "- Shawn."

Lassiter rested his hand on Shawn's neck and brought him closer. There foreheads were pressed together and their noses touched. Lassiter let his eyes fall to a close as he breathed in the scent of Shawn.

"I've never been so sure in my life," Lassiter whispered.

They kissed each other all the way to the bed. Lassiter admired Shawn's body by lamplight as he laid it down in front of him. He kissed Shawn's neck and made his way down his chest. Lassiter had climbed over him and lavished him with kisses and occasional love bites. Shawn took it all gladly until he couldn't handle it anymore.

Shawn took Lassiter's hand, sucked on his fingers for a minute and then brought it down to his entrance. Lassiter didn't even think of it as uncomfortable anymore. In the previous days when Shawn had given Lassiter more detailed instructions of how to have gay sex, Lassiter cringed but now it felt natural. With Shawn as the central piece to the puzzle, it all felt natural.

Shawn sucked in a deep breath as Lassiter inserted a finger. Shawn was no stranger to the sensation. He'd practiced on himself in the privacy of his own apartment on more than a few occasions, out of curiosity and first and then out of pleasure. Shawn had never experience penetration by someone else thought and the feeling brought on its own sense of invasion.

Lassiter thrilled at how tight Shawn was going to be. The inside of Shawn was so tight and hot to just one finger that Lassiter felt even more excited than he had before. He quickly added a second finger and began a scissoring motion, careful not to go too fast in his anticipation.

Shawn relaxed and allowed himself to be stretched. It hurt but the pain was pleasurable in its own way. Shawn groaned a little as Lassiter added a third finger. It's been a little while since Shawn had done any anal play so he was a little tighter than usual but he gritted his teeth and tried to focus on enjoying it.

Lassiter heard the grunt from Shawn and felt a little guilty. Why was it that sex had to always start off so violently? Why couldn't it go straight to good parts? Even with women and perhaps to a lesser extent, penetration was always this uncomfortable and aggressive action. Hurting Shawn was the last thing Lassiter wanted to do so to show him that, Lassiter did something thought he'd never do.

Lassiter mouth met Shawn's cock with a gentle comfort and Shawn was shocked.

"C-Carlton-" Shawn stuttered from the combination of sensations, "-you don't have to-"

Lassiter shyly and gently sucked and bobbed on Shawn's dick. He did it in a loving and apologetic way, to cushion the pain of Shawn's stretching. Lassiter didn't want to imagine what it felt like to have something inserted and moving around in him but he thought it must not be pleasant. Lassiter didn't want to be so selfish, so he was willing to ease the pain by any means necessary.

Shawn watched Lassiter closely. He couldn't believe Lassiter was doing this. He felt an immense closeness and gratefulness to Lassiter. Shawn moaned freely to show his appreciation, coming out in little mewls and sighs. In his stupor though, he remembered to reach over to the night stand and pull the lube he'd hidden in the draw a few days ago.

Finally, Shawn was aptly stretched and Lassiter took out his fingers and pulled away from Shawn's cock. Lassiter saw the bottle of lube sitting beside Shawn and Shawn wordlessly handed it to Lassiter. Lassiter carefully coated his member and did soft circle motions as he spread some on Shawn's entrance. Lassiter lined himself up to enter Shawn but before that he looked Shawn in the eyes.

Shawn was nervous and it was obvious. He was trying his best to relax but he still clutched at the bed to brace himself. Lassiter took Shawn's hand and laced their fingers together. If Shawn was ever scared, ever nervous, ever anything Lassiter wanted Shawn to know that he could always take Lassiter's hand. Shawn didn't need to cry in the backseats of cars or carelessly hover over endless water. All Shawn had to do was reach for Lassiter's hand and Lassiter would be there reaching back.

Shawn nodded to Lassiter and gripped his hand tight as Lassiter began to slowly push in. Shawn held his breath and bared the pain as best he could trying to keep in mind to stay as relaxed as possible. Lassiter thrilled at Shawn's tightness and felt as if he'd spill over in no time just from entering. They still held hands, grip harsh as they both tried to stabilize and find some semblance of control.

Finally,Lassiter's full length was inside of Shawn and he sat there for a moment motionless to give Shawn further time to adjust. Both could open their eyes now as the high pleasure and unbearable pain declined. They look into one another's eyes and slowly Lassiter began to pump in and out of Shawn. Each small pump threatened Lassiter's climax but Lassiter focused on fighting it. He wanted Shawn to get his first then Lassiter could cum.

Several pumps later, Shawn let out loud moan and Lassiter felt as if he'd hit something. Lassiter knew what he'd found and gave his every effort to aim for it. Shawn felt white hot pleasure run up and down his body as Lassiter hit his spot. Shawn brought his free hand up to his neglected cock as he felt climax inching closer.

They increased their paces, wanting to get all they could out of each other. Shawn came first and his warm seed spilled out over their stomachs. Lassiter, comforted that Shawn had came finally allowed himself to cum. He let his seed flood into Shawn and his body relaxed with the climax.

Lassiter was about to remove himself but Shawn brought his free had to Lassiter's arm.

"N-not yet," Shawn said, exhausted, "just stay for a minute, just a second."

Shawn wasn't ready to feel parted with Lassiter even in a bodily context and Lassiter smiled a little. He leaned down, still inside of Shawn, and kissed Shawn sweetly. He gave Shawn another peck on the lips and then removed himself from Shawn's hole. Shawn sighed with the exit. At long last, Shawn and Lassiter let go of each other's hands.

"Jesus, Spencer," Lassiter said affectionately and amused as he laid down, "you made a mess."

"What do you mean I made a mess?" Shawn said.

Lassiter brought a hand to his stomach and wiped off the sticky mess Shawn had left. He held up his hand to Shawn and raised his eyebrows. Shawn immediately got a sinister smirk on his face and grabbed Lassiter's hand. Lassiter was dumbstruck as Shawn seductively brought Lassiter's cum covered fingers to his soft lips and sucked and licked off the cum seductively.

"You ready for a second round?" Shawn grinned.

"What?" Lassiter asked, "Shawn- I- I don't think I can- I'm tired!"

Shawn laughed and laid back down casually. He snuggled up close to Lassiter and rested his head on Lassiter's chest.

"I'm kidding Lassie," he paused, "for now anyway. If we're going to keep going at it then I expect a steady amount of sexy times."

"Excuse me?" Lassiter asked, "Look, Spencer, we'll fuck when I want to fuck."

"Then I'll just make it so you want to fuck me all the time."

"Spencer!" Lassiter shouted, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

Shawn was still grinning mischievously but he felt sleep pulling at him. He could tell Lassiter was tired as well, otherwise he'd be sure to be making some fuss about getting clean sheets or something. Shawn let his eyes fall to a close but still tried to linger on consciousness.

"Hey," Shawn said.

"Mm?" Lassiter replied sleepily.

"Thanks," Shawn said with a yawn, "Constable Lassie."

Lassiter snickered lazily at that. Despite the joke tagged at the end, Lassiter supposed that he too should thank the Constable. After all if it wasn't for him- if it wasn't for this ship- none of this would have happened. It took a lot to get here and most of it wasn't happy. The sinking of Titanic, the passing of Juliet, all the loss of a dream but from the tragedy of one lost dreams rises a new dream and as Lassiter laid next to Shawn and fell asleep he realized that he couldn't have asked for a better one.

**A/N: And it was done! Whew, I think I need a break from Shassie for a bit. I don't want to say move on, because I will never move on from any of my beloved pairings, but I need a new focus. That being said, leave me reviews and love guys. :)**


End file.
